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Divine Element: Divine element
22/09/10 || Lord K Philipson
On the contrary of what you and I might think – not all of the great band names are taken. Who would imagine that a bunch of Greek fuckos would brainstorm and end up with… DIVINE ELEMENT as the unique moniker for their band? Amazing. Well, when I think about it – now all the great band names are taken.
On top of that, it’s hard not to be utterly impressed and get your expectations up real high when reading the description that their sound “carries a lot of influences from several genres of metal, mainly black metal, heavy and thrash metal, with an epic feeling being the factor that ties everything together.”
Jesus Christ on a Greek dildo with a firecracker on top. If this is anything but a complete and utterly generic shit band, I am officially Mary Poppins in high heels and a skirt made out of oak.
And whaddya know… There’s no changing into Mary Poppins today. I’m not too fucken shocked.
The Not So Divine Element manage to piss out a decent riff (ripped off from any given early Gothenburg band) or two every now and then – unfortunately backed up by a hideous drummer and his sorry-excuse-for-a-drumsound. It’s not like the acoustic and supposed-to-be-moody passages help matters either. Listen to the end of the opening track (don’t mind the shitty intro) when they go all Hawaii on us and then try to get some Iron Maiden influences in there big time before heading back to some piss-poor melodic death metal shit. Oh, and don’t forget the “blasts”. They make this band sound as furious as a fucken army of Barbie dolls. On Valium.
Fail.
These fuckos need to focus (that’s a great sentence right there) a hella lot more before entering the studio again. Think about what the fuck you wanna play and what kind of approach you wanna have to the potential crowd (right) out there. As it is now, no one will give a fuck about what you are doing.
Oh, and get fucken rid of the drummer or make him take lessons in tightening shit up. And while you are at it – ditch the fucken keyboards, you are not Bon Jovi. Unfortunately.
- Information
- Released: 2010
- Label: Self-released
- Website: Divine Element MySpace
- Band
- Alchemist: vocals, bass
- Jahrold: guitars, clean vocals
- Chris: guitars, ambience
- Loukas: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Introitus (see, these guys are innovative…)
- 02. Of darkness (really innovative…)
- 03. A day for the hunter, a day for the prey (and a day to be gay)
- 04. Dawn of batlle (yes, spelled like that. As said – INNOVATIVE)
- 05. Ancient pride (of discovering fellatio)
- 06. Fall of purity (rise of nudity)
- 07. Crossing the Rubicon (for cock)
